She looked at him with her eyeliner smudged and her hair, a mess, and said "Is this the love they wote novels about?"
And all he could do was nod.

. + You Promised Me A Sunken Land. I Need That Promise, Again.

' Tonight I've Fallen And I Can't Get Up

I Need Your Loving Hands To Come And Pick Me Up

And Every Night I Miss You

I Can Just Look Up

And Know The Stars Are Holding You,

Holding You,

Holding You,

Tonight. '

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. You were the one person who knew me. You were the only person I knew. Now. They say you left because of me. Was I really that bad? Was I really that bad a person that you had to punish me by leaving? And that, too, for this long? Did you never, for a second, try imagining what I'd do without you? I sound selfish? Yeah. Maybe because I am.

All day long. It seems like you're in the other room. Sleeping like you did. With one leg over the other. Or lying straight on your back. Or it seems like you're out for a bit. That you'll come back and I'd be able to rest my head in your lap, like I did, and me falling asleep in your lap, like I did.

And. Right now. I'm sitting on the cold marble floor. I can't feel my legs, my hands, my fingers or my heart. I can only feel a cold streak going down my face and landing at my feet. 

I don't know what to say to you. Heck. I don't even know if I can face you. All I want to say. Is that I miss you. And. I might not have said it a lot while you were around. But. I love you. And. This last year. Taught me that life just cannot go on without you. One of these days. I'll come up to you. And I'll be able to breathe, again.

It's a little funny when people try looking out for you. Then, at the end of the day, you find out that they are doing the exact same things that have messed your brain up, in the first place.

And, right now. I needed to talk to someone. But. I went through my entire contact list.
And. I realized I still don't have that someone.

Raah Meynh Jo Meynh Gir Paroun.
Barh Key Tum Thaam Leyna.
<3

You Promised You'd Love Me, Till The Day I Die. You're Free, From Tomorrow.

You Left Me In Pieces. You Shouldn't Have.

When I Told You I'd Die For You. You Didn't Think I Was Serious. You Shouldn't Have.

You Gave Me Hope When There Was None. You Shouldn't Have.

You Sang Me To Sleep. You Shouldn't Have.

You Sang To Me When I Woke Up. You Shouldn't Have.

You Sang To Me. You Shouldn't Have.

You Made Me Laugh. You Shouldn't Have.

You Picked Me Up, When I Fell, Put Me Back Together. And Left. I Fell Again. I Shattered. You Left. You Shouldn't Have.

You Pushed Me Deeper. I Couldn't Breathe. You Shouldn't Have.

You Got Me Addicted To You. You Shouldn't Have.

You Told Me Tales Of A Happier Tomorrow. You Shouldn't Have.

You Held My Hand. You Shouldn't Have.

You Promised You'd Come Back. You Shouldn't Have.

You Broke That Promise. You Shouldn't Have.

You Swore You'd Love Me Till You Die. You Shouldn't Have.

You Told Me We Were One Soul In Two Bodies. You Shouldn't Have.

I Took Your Word For Everything. I Shouldn't Have.

Goodbye.

You Tore My Heart. Thinking It Was Empty. Now Look What You've Done. Your Love Is On The Floor.

I've become so numb that the only thing I can feel is a faint heartbeat. And. Because I know it can't be mine. It has to be yours. You will always be a part of me no matter how much you hate me. I'm sure you do. There's no need to lie.

1.  And when orange flavored candy falls from the sky. You know you're in heaven. I know I'm with you.

I never knew

I never knew that everything was falling through

That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue

To turn and run when all I needed was the truth. 

 So. I wake up. And I realized its the second day of Eid. My first 'Second Day Of Eid' without Mum.
What I DON'T get, and what I don't WANT to get is people's mentalities.
I'd been trying to hold back the tears all morning, yesterday.
And. All of a sudden, my cousin's wife come up and says 'I Get A Bad Feeling In The Pit Of My Stomach Everytime I Think About Your Mother Not Being Here. It Seems So Strange. She Was Here Last Year. Now. She's Not.'
And then the lady starts fanning herself.
I mean. Purposefully or unintentionally, don't be an arse.

. + Movie Scenes In Black And White. The Snow Falls Down. Alone Tonight.

So. Here's what I hate the most about you.

1) Your face.
2) Your uber cheesy smile. It disgusts me.
3) The 'mean look'. Yes. The same one you think actually works. It actually does.
4) The fact that everywhere I look. Is where you used to be. =/
5) Your breath.
6) Your voice. It still haunts me. I guess it always will.
7) The fact that where you are. Is where I wanna be. =/
8) The times you sang for me.
9) Your embrace.
10) The way you speak.
11) The way you used to speak to me.
12) The way you speak to me now.
13) How you barely speak to me now.
14) There's a hole where my heart is. And it's because of you.
15) As cheesy as this is. I hate that I still love you. Unconditionally. Irrevocably.

I hate it. And. Everything that you stand for. And. Every memory we made. I  hate you. I hate everything about you. Why do I love you?

The Ones Who Leave. Haven't Actually Left. God Just Hides Their Faces From Us. Why? I Do Not Know.

Seems Like It Was Yesterday That I Saw Your Face. You Told Me How Proud You Were And I Walked Away. If Only I Knew What I Know Today.

. + Countess Elizabeth Bathory

So. The other day, I'm walking around the house. And I realize that everywhere I go. I have a song in my head. A song that suits everything perfectly.
Like, right now. There's an old movie about vampires and werewolves on the TV. And. My mind's screaming out 'Carry You Home' by James Blunt.
I've deduced that I have my own background music, wherever I go.

I miss Mum. Like crazy. It's been a little too long. That's completely my Mum song.

'As Strong As You Are;
Tender You Go;
I'm Watching You Breathing;
For The Last Time.
A Song For Your Heart;
But When It Is Quiet;
I Know What It Means;
And I'll Carry You Home. '

I just woke up. And. I don't know what else to blog about. =/ It's been eight months since I've met Mum. I see her everyday. But. She seldom talks to me. I wonder what I did to piss her off. I don't know what it was. I really don't. =/


Yesterday. Was amazing. Shahrose, Saniya, Menahil made my day. I was in the worst mood ever before. But. I couldn't stop laughing then.

Anywho. I guess I'd better go get some breakfast, seeing as how I'm not allowed to fast, right now. Stupid Doctors. -_-


<3

And now that my heart is much lighter. Can I fly up to where you are?

And as I sit, here, anticipating your next moves, I forget all of mine.

Everything I say is completely taken out of context. I hope that doesn't happen when I tell you I love you.

Even though eight months have passed, now, we feel like we're the only people on Earth in the world going through this. Guess what. We are. Nobody else lost you.

And the little exposure we got through communication, we lost through hate.

They're trying to break me down. You. Keep your blue wall mounted high. I know it's there for you and me.

If you know me, you'd know I can't see anyone in pain. Least of all you. That's why I left.

It's not fair that you get to see everything that's going on, while we live off of pictures of you and what's stored up there. Not fair, at all.