I never knew

I never knew that everything was falling through

That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue

To turn and run when all I needed was the truth. 

 So. I wake up. And I realized its the second day of Eid. My first 'Second Day Of Eid' without Mum.
What I DON'T get, and what I don't WANT to get is people's mentalities.
I'd been trying to hold back the tears all morning, yesterday.
And. All of a sudden, my cousin's wife come up and says 'I Get A Bad Feeling In The Pit Of My Stomach Everytime I Think About Your Mother Not Being Here. It Seems So Strange. She Was Here Last Year. Now. She's Not.'
And then the lady starts fanning herself.
I mean. Purposefully or unintentionally, don't be an arse.

. + Movie Scenes In Black And White. The Snow Falls Down. Alone Tonight.

So. Here's what I hate the most about you.

1) Your face.
2) Your uber cheesy smile. It disgusts me.
3) The 'mean look'. Yes. The same one you think actually works. It actually does.
4) The fact that everywhere I look. Is where you used to be. =/
5) Your breath.
6) Your voice. It still haunts me. I guess it always will.
7) The fact that where you are. Is where I wanna be. =/
8) The times you sang for me.
9) Your embrace.
10) The way you speak.
11) The way you used to speak to me.
12) The way you speak to me now.
13) How you barely speak to me now.
14) There's a hole where my heart is. And it's because of you.
15) As cheesy as this is. I hate that I still love you. Unconditionally. Irrevocably.

I hate it. And. Everything that you stand for. And. Every memory we made. I  hate you. I hate everything about you. Why do I love you?

The Ones Who Leave. Haven't Actually Left. God Just Hides Their Faces From Us. Why? I Do Not Know.

Seems Like It Was Yesterday That I Saw Your Face. You Told Me How Proud You Were And I Walked Away. If Only I Knew What I Know Today.

. + Countess Elizabeth Bathory

So. The other day, I'm walking around the house. And I realize that everywhere I go. I have a song in my head. A song that suits everything perfectly.
Like, right now. There's an old movie about vampires and werewolves on the TV. And. My mind's screaming out 'Carry You Home' by James Blunt.
I've deduced that I have my own background music, wherever I go.

I miss Mum. Like crazy. It's been a little too long. That's completely my Mum song.

'As Strong As You Are;
Tender You Go;
I'm Watching You Breathing;
For The Last Time.
A Song For Your Heart;
But When It Is Quiet;
I Know What It Means;
And I'll Carry You Home. '

I just woke up. And. I don't know what else to blog about. =/ It's been eight months since I've met Mum. I see her everyday. But. She seldom talks to me. I wonder what I did to piss her off. I don't know what it was. I really don't. =/


Yesterday. Was amazing. Shahrose, Saniya, Menahil made my day. I was in the worst mood ever before. But. I couldn't stop laughing then.

Anywho. I guess I'd better go get some breakfast, seeing as how I'm not allowed to fast, right now. Stupid Doctors. -_-


<3

And now that my heart is much lighter. Can I fly up to where you are?

And as I sit, here, anticipating your next moves, I forget all of mine.

Everything I say is completely taken out of context. I hope that doesn't happen when I tell you I love you.

Even though eight months have passed, now, we feel like we're the only people on Earth in the world going through this. Guess what. We are. Nobody else lost you.

And the little exposure we got through communication, we lost through hate.

They're trying to break me down. You. Keep your blue wall mounted high. I know it's there for you and me.

If you know me, you'd know I can't see anyone in pain. Least of all you. That's why I left.

It's not fair that you get to see everything that's going on, while we live off of pictures of you and what's stored up there. Not fair, at all.

Sometimes, the tears I shed for you, aren't wet. They're happy tears. And they long to be wiped away by you.
I miss you.

I went through my whole life, it was all about you.

All the colours in the world remind me of you. Your smile reminds me of all the colours in the world.

The glass in front of me is neither half full nor is it half empty. It's lonely.

The  day you left me, my sleep did, too.

If You Can't Trust Me With My Life. Just Know That. Someday. Somehow. I'll Be Your Superhero.

Tonight. The love dies.

And when you call out to me ; I hope you dance.
And when spring arrives, I'm not around ; I hope you dance.
And when we walk on cold fire ; arm in arm, heart in heart ; I hope we dance.

I don't come to visit you, because this is not how I want to remember you. I'm happy with the images we have of each other. I hope you miss me, too.

These glittering lights can shine all they want. they can create as many difference between you and me. But. They'll never be able to hide the tears I've shed for you.

Truvia

And as we pass through Troy, sticking out like sore thumbs, the worlds continue the way they should : Silently.

She was down on the floor. Shedding floods of tears. Pleading for forgiveness. For one more chance. A chance to make it all alright. Like it used to be.

She needed him. Not to hold her down. Not to tell her everything's alright. Not to protect her. She just needed him in front of her. To tell him she still cared, that she still winces every time he gets hurt. To let him know that she is there. That she's always been there.

She needed him to know all this. She had to tell him that she isn't like him. She would never leave him without warning. No. Not ever. Hell, she didn't even have the slightest idea.

And now, that she knelt on the ground. Flowers in her hand. She told him everything. Everything she wanted him to know. All the things she hadn't ever said before. She said it all. She knelt and she cried. She tried to touch him. But the ground came in between.

So she just knelt and cried. Flowers in her hand. She told him everything he needed to know. Everything and more.

The moment he saw her. He knew. He'd seen her before. They've spent ages together. Hand in hand. Arm in arm. Walking across lonely forests, wearing nothing but moonlight.
But. He didn't know her name. He never had.
She stretched out her hand to him. He refused to take it. His mind wandered off to a place he'd never seen before. To a place he'd been avoiding all his life.
She started humming Iqbal Bano. Then. He Knew. He knew where she's been all this while. In his heart. A place he seldom visited.

" It's easy and it takes a minute. ", said the Reaper.
" Does it hurt?", she asked.
" Only your family"
" Oooh. Is there any other way out?"
" Nah, not really. "
" But what about my family?"
"They'll live. "
" What about me? *_*"
" You won't "

Nobody Said It Was Easy.
It's Such A Shame For Us To Part.
Nobody Said It Was Easy.
Nobody Said It Was So Hard.
I'm Going Back To The Start.




You know. The one thing you appreciate about life. Is the greener side. But. I've seen it all. And nothing makes sense. Trust me. It doesn't. The grass is the same color, if not a shade lighter. I'm ashamed to tell the people, I meet in my dreams, that I'm from the Earth. It's not really like me to conform with everyone else, you see. If you say you're from the Earth. I don't want to be associated with it, anymore. So. The next time people ask you where you're from. Please say Maldives.

And when you wake up in the morning and find out that the person who you're looking for jumped out the balcony. last night. The world doesn't feel the same

Okay. It's been the longest time since I've written something. Not that you care.

This last year. Sucked. It had some of the best times I've had this year. And DEFINITELY the worst.

I can't bring myself to saying all the shit that went on in the last two months of two thousand and nine. But just know. It was bad. And now I'm all alone.

I don't want to face people. Because they ask questions.

I don't want to answer these questions. Because it hurts.

And then. People take advantage of the vulnerability to tell me they're 'there' for me. When they never really are.

Your tears don't fall.
They crash around me.

I like writing when I know nobody else is reading what I'm writing. It gives you a happy feeling. God knows how much I could use some of that.

It's funny. And ironic. How I'm known as the happiest kid around. Or the one who's never sad.
When every single time I laugh. I'm pretending.

No. I don't find your jokes funny. I never have. I don't want you to stop cracking them. Because then there'll be an awkward silence between us. And I don't like those. God knows how much I hate those. At least I know you're trying. Even if it is half-no-quarter-heartedly.

It's strange how God seems to know so much. But. He couldn't let her stay with us.

I bet He knew how we'd feel. How badly the black hole sucked everything out of our lives.

It's just strange.


Off In The Night.
While You Live It Up.
I'm Off To Sleep.
Waging Wars Against The Poet And The Beat.